This post will be a little bit shorter as I've found that I haven't blogged that much because sometimes I find that I try to make each post a brief master's thesis. And I definitely want to blog more. That being said, let's get crackin'.
The Fiesta Patria holiday was a week long endurance race of festivities. It definitely was awesome. When you combine food, lots of people, dancing, music, and good weather for 10 days, you can't really go wrong. Time with the chilean family was very special, as I was able to meet many extended family members. However, entering into the conversation when 10 or 15 close family members are talking rapidly in Spanish can prove to be quite difficult. Nevertheless, the vacation was certainly a highlight of the semester so far.
Getting more to the theme of this post, I guess that there's a lot I need to clarify before I really begin to unveil what I've been learning recently. Ok. So, before coming to Chile about 85% of the people whom I talked to about my trip would always mention to be at some point and in some way or another that "That trip is going to change your life!" And I definitely shared in this hope and aspiration. However, now, I've realized how much unfair pressure I put on myself because of those expectations. Basically, when I thought about Chile and how it would "change my life," I expected SO much. Therefore, while being here the past 2 and a half months, I've constantly thought, "Man, I really need to put forth this effort or do that thing or go on that trip in order for my life to change." Also, I've even felt other things in regards to my future. For example, I've thought, "I need to figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life while I'm here." Or, perhaps, "Man, I better become fluent in Spanish by the time I leave if I want to be successful in life." All these thoughts and MORE! So, needless to say, but that's a lot of stuff to have to deal with amidst being immersed in a completely different culture away from almost everything that I know that is familiar.
So, what have I learned recently these past 2 weeks? Well, this might sound lazy, but, "Stop!" Let me explain that a bit more, because this thought most certainly reaches to a spiritual level for my life. This example may help: Have you ever been so tired and busy that you realized you need to set aside some time in your schedule for rest? Then, when you think about having to rest it stresses you out because you know that rest period can possibly put you even more behind. Thus, the time of rest comes and you can't even rest at all. You actually leave the situation more uneasy and even more stressed out. For me, that's how I've approached my time with God lately (time with God being anything such as praying, reading the Bible, listening to/singing worship songs, etc.). This attempt to meet with God and find rest has actually looked more like me having this make it or break it moment with Him. In those times I've been looking for immediate satisfaction, answers, solutions, and life changes. Needless to say, I've begun to put this high pressure on any meeting with God. Not necessarily great times resulted with this method. Why? Well, when one approaches God and says, "Here's my life, here's everything I want answered, here's all the things I want to do and need to get done. Please sort all of these things for me, and the deadline is the end of this trip in Chile." Man, who am I to even assume that I know what I need? Who am I to be so worried about the results of this trip, to where I can't even enjoy the trip itself? Who am I to believe that I can bring true changes in my life my meticulously and constantly thinking, "I need to experience life change."? Foolish.
So why is stopping so beautiful? No more pressure. I no longer worry about the results of the trip, and who I become, because I know that that's something God is going to do as I simply exist in these moments being obedient to him, day by day, moment by moment. Also, there's no more high expectations that bring stress. Man, as of now, all I'm expecting is that God is going to do something great. So how does that change my stress level, exactly? Essentially, that takes all of the thoughts like "Josh, you need to do this" and they instead become "God is already and constantly doing this, so CHILL." My "life change" no longer relies on my abilities, my attempts, my persistency, or even my good intentions. My "life change" is in the hands of God. Whereas, I understand that this may be an incredibly strange concept for some readers, nevertheless, I am truly experiencing so much freedom, rest, and peace. Why? It's not because I've given up, but rather because I've given up the control to someone capable of directing and aligning all of the things far too grand or great for me to even begin to manage them well.
In other news, we're beginning our visit to a children's hospital this friday, and each friday from here on out. Additionally, a mission team from Texas will be here from Friday to next Tuesday, where we'll have opportunities to work alongside them serving in roles such as interpreters and other things. Finally, there's a girl's orphanage with 13 girls that we're going to begin visiting weekly starting next Wednesday. All of these things are really exciting for me. Our Veritas group unity is growing each and every day. It's so cool to look back now and see how much God has worked in our relationships with one another, bearing in mind that when we first arrived, we were all complete strangers to one another. I'll do my best to update this blog more, hopefully being able to share some stories from these upcoming opportunities.
